“I Have Anxiety About Having Anxiety”
One uncomfortable but effective way to combat escalating anxiety.
Posted February 24, 2022 | By: Erin Leonard Ph.D.
KEY POINTS
- Anxiety rarely makes sense. Often, life events evoke anxiety for reasons that are not apparent.
- A compromised sense of self often results in a person feeling unexplained anxiety.
- An internalized message from a parent who continually made a person feel ashamed and worthless impacts his or her current sense of self.
- A current situation may subtly awaken emotions that a person experienced during a past traumatic event.
The experience of intense anxiety is awful. A wildly pounding heart and paralyzed body collide as a person’s negative thoughts travel at the speed of light. Sounds are both amplified and muffled. Spaces seem to shrink until a person attempts to find an exit and suddenly the path to the door seems a mile away. In this state a person can’t trust what they see, feel, think, or do. The impulse to run screaming from the moment is powerful.
A person’s attempt to avoid situations that cause extreme anxiety is logical and understandable. Yet many of these events may be unavoidable. In these scenarios, selecting fight over flight may be necessary. Although painful, deciding to willingly and repeatedly place oneself in the circumstance which creates anxiety may be a solution.
For example, the requirement to carry four long-term adult psychotherapeutic patients existed in my program during graduate school. I was comfortable as a child psychotherapist, however, working with adults evoked intense panic. At 23, I felt like a kid playing “doctor.”
Two of my supervisors attempted to provide encouragement but I remained highly apprehensive. After several weeks, both professors gently informed me that I was “too anxious to be a therapist.” They explained that a fearful clinician amplifies anxiety in a client. “It just doesn’t work,” said one.
Crushed, I wondered what to do. Fortunately, my school loans were enormous and left me with no choice. Despite my intense discomfort, I continued to see adult clients day after day and month after month. Understandably, many of these clients dropped out. Yet, after six months of distress, I gradually became less anxious. After 12 months, I felt comfortable. Twenty-five years later, I am an effective psychotherapist who loves her work. I feel lucky to have a job that I adore and thankful that fate forced me to work through my anxiety.
Occasionally, when there is no other option, a person may try decreasing his or her anxiety by practicing what makes him or her anxious. Relentless practice, repetition, and exposure to a nerve-racking activity may eventually help diminish the anxiety.
An understanding of what fuels intense anxiety may also help. Often life events evoke anxiety for reasons that are not apparent. For example, an activity may poke at deep insecurity originating from a childhood attachment trauma. An internalized message from a parent who continually made a child feel ashamed, humiliated, and worthless impacts a person’s current sense of self in ways he or she may not be aware of. In this case, it may be necessary for a person to work through experiences of childhood emotional abuse. Unpacking the troubling experiences and repairing aspects of a person’s identity that were unfairly sabotaged by a parent who projected his or her own insecurities onto him or her may be essential.
For example, Karen’s nerves are on fire during a tennis match. She is fine at practice but when placed in the lineup, Karen’s anxiety skyrockets. During the match, she feels partially paralyzed. Her legs feel like cement and her swing feels disjointed. Her mind swims with self-loathing and negative thoughts.
After some self-examination, Karen realizes she is terrified of disappointing her partner and her team. She recalls feeling this way after cross country meets in high school when her father called her “weak” and “heartless.” She was demeaned and humiliated each time she disappointed her father.
Karen consciously makes a link between the past and present and gains a greater understanding of the origins of her anxiety. She decides to continue practicing and asks to play in the matches that are less important to her team. After two seasons of playing low-profile matches, she begins to feel less anxiety. Because she loves to play, she agrees to compete and eventually beats the nerves. Karen plays on happily.
Another possibility is that the anxiety is a symptom of a past traumatic experience that occurred outside of the parent-child relationship. A current situation may subtly awaken emotions that a person experienced during a traumatic event from the past. Logistically because the present situation differs from the original trauma, it may elude a person. Yet, understanding the connection may help a person make sense of the anxiety that feels confusing and turbulent.
For example, while white water river rafting in her early twenties, Sheila was thrown from a boat without her life preserver secured. The current spun her around dragged her down along the bottom of the river. The rapids spit her out just as she thought she was going to drown. Although she shook the experience off and eventually forgot about it, years later, as she was training for a triathlon, she waded into a lake but felt terror as she prepared to dive in. Shocked at her sudden and unexplainable reaction, she treaded water for a few minutes but absolutely could not bring herself to put her head under the water and swim. She was baffled. As a competitive swimmer and lifeguard in her youth, she wondered why she was suddenly terrified to put her head in. She decided to try training in an indoor pool but continued to feel intense panic when attempting to submerge her body and swim.
As she was working through her fear, her mother mentioned the rafting experience. The comment resonated with Sheila, and she realized she was experiencing a post-traumatic stress response to her near-drowning incident four years prior. With the help of a counselor, she processed the original traumatic event and continued to put herself in the water. By the end of the summer, she was comfortably training in the lake.
How to decrease the impact of anxiety on the body
Although a person may not be able to stop herself from experiencing anxiety, she may be able to help cancel the impact of the anxiety in her body which may allow her to continue practicing the activity which causes the panic. As a person intentionally places herself in a situation that escalates nerves, she may try four techniques.
First, a person may try standing up and moving. Crossing the room to grab a tissue or politely excusing oneself to utilize the restroom will allow the body the chance to discharge nervous energy. As a person is walking it may help to focus on how each body part feels. Wiggling toes, planting heels, leaning into a stride, and gripping and relaxing hands may help a person battle the disconnect anxiety causes between the mind and the body.
Second, starting with his or her toes, a person may try tensing and relaxing isolated body parts. For example, squishing up the toes and relaxing, flexing the ankles and releasing, tightening up each leg and then loosening, and then each arm. Anxiety automatically tightens the body, so physically combating its impact may be helpful.
Third, a person should concentrate on breathing deeply. Shallow breathes increase anxiety, so focusing on getting a breath deep into the diaphragm is essential. Practicing deep breathing before the anxiety-inducing event may be critical.
Fourth, a person may try to remember an experience that makes them feel good. For example, a person may recall receiving a warm welcome home from vacation by his or her dog or being embraced at the door by a niece after a long separation. The happy memory elicits positive emotions in a person which may cancel out the negative impact of anxiety. This may allow a person to continue enduring the nerves until they begin to wane.
Achieving greater mastery over anxiety
Often, the most terrifying aspect of anxiety is that it causes a person to feel helpless and powerless. Yet, the knowledge that a person may have the ability to conquer anxiety simply by practicing what makes them anxious may empower him or her. Additionally, a person who understands the link between distressing past experiences and a current one may feel greater mastery over the mysterious aspect of anxiety. A person may also try incorporating mind and body techniques to lessen anxiety as he or she attempts to face it. Lastly, a person who recognizes anxiety as a fairly universal human experience may feel less alone and more empowered to work through it.
References
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4125602/
